Trauma Bonds and Mental Health: Meaning and Impact on Relationships

The term “trauma bonding” was first coined by Patrick Carnes, a psychologist specializing in addiction and recovery.

A trauma bond is a deep emotional attachment that develops in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. It occurs when an individual forms a connection with someone who repeatedly causes harm, often ignoring the cycles of abuse and manipulation. Understanding trauma bond is essential for addressing the impact it has on an individual’s mental health.

Trauma bond mental abuse

Mental abuse in a trauma bond is a common behavior where the victim develops sympathy and affection for the abuser. Some signs of a trauma bond mental abuse include:

• Justifying the abuser’s behavior
• Blaming yourself for the abuse
• Minimizing the abuse
• Forgiving the abuse
• Refusing to leave the relationship 

What causes a trauma bond?

• Abusers often follow a cycle of abuse alternating between abusive behavior and periods of affection, creating emotional dependency in the victim.
• Unpredictable rewards (e.g. occasional kindness or love) amidst abuse strengthens the bond.
• The victim may begin to internalize the abuser’s negative words/ messages affecting their confidence and making them feel unworthy of healthy relationships.
• The victim may develop financial, social and emotional dependency on the abuser making it difficult for them to leave.

Bad examples of trauma bond

Few examples of unhealthy dynamics leading to trauma bond are:

1. A person experiencing physical violence stays in the relationship because the abuser shows love and affection stating that violence is an expression of love.
2. In a toxic family dynamic, a child is often criticized but the child feels compelled to seek approval from parents because they occasionally express pride or love.
3. A workplace becomes exploitive when an employer or the boss creates an unhealthy work environment but occasionally praises or rewards the employee.

Trauma bonds in relationships 

Trauma bonds in relationships leads to negative outcomes.  Due to the cycles of abuse and manipulation, it becomes difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. This unhealthy emotional dependency affects the mental state of the victim. The impact on mental health of Trauma Bonds are:

• Chronic exposure to abuse develops feelings of helplessness, low self-worth and anxiety or sadness.
• Prolonged trauma causes flashbacks, nightmares or emotional numbness in the victims.
• Constant criticism and manipulation affect the victim’s self-confidence and self-esteem.
• Trauma bonds create co-dependency dynamic in the relationship, where sense of identity revolves around the needs of the abuser.
• An abusive relationship may have detrimental effects on the victim where they start having trust issues or questioning the healthy form of attachments.

Trauma bonds in childhood

Trauma bonds in childhood often have long lasting effects on mental health, relationship with siblings and romantic relationships. When a child experiences cycles of abuse, neglect and inconsistent care giving from a parent, the child is more likely to form trauma bond with the parent or caregiver. The bond develops in childhood through various ways:

• The caregiver’s inconsistent affection and care creates confusion and strengthens the child’s attachment, as they cling to the hope for love and validation.
• Since the child is entirely dependent on the caregiver for survival, they’re unable to recognize the harmful behaviour and may understand abuse as love and care.
• The caregiver’s threats and manipulation instil fear and compliance in the child.
• A child growing up in an abusive environment, may perceive the behaviour as normal or deserved.
• Dysfunctional home environment and shared difficulty can form trauma bond between siblings.

Trauma bonds explained

The above explanation about trauma bond gives a clear understanding of the factors and its impact on mental health. It is difficult to break the pattern of trauma bond but it is essential to end the cycle for a healthier mental health state.

You can break a trauma bond by:

1. Recognising the pattern and acknowledging the cycle of abuse.
2. Seek professional help for better guidance and emotional support.
3. It is always safe to limit or end the contact with the abuser.
4. Reframing or redefining the internalized messages that make you feel responsible for the abuse.
5. Professional help will definitely help you to process the trauma, build boundaries and establish healthy relationships.

Trauma bonds vs love

It is important to understand the difference between trauma bond and love because both can feel similar due to their intensity. The key differences between trauma bond and love are:

• Trauma bond is built on cycles of abuse and manipulation whereas love is built on mutual respect, trust and shared values.
• There is anxiety, fear or guilty in a trauma bond relationship and there is reassurance and understanding in love relationship.
• Trauma bond relationship creates dependency and confusion, whereas love encourages growth, support and emotional safety.

If you are struggling with a trauma bond, you are more likely to develop mental health concerns or issues. Therefore, you can seek professional help from NABHS for better support and guidance. Therapy will help you to regain control, rebuild sense of self and form healthier and more meaningful relationships. Putting an end to trauma bond relationships will help you to redefine your self-worth, self-esteem and confidence. If you or someone you know is going through an abusive relationship, it is important to seek help immediately, searching for mental health professionals near me can help you move one step closer towards healthier relationships and an enhanced mental health.