“Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.” – Stephen Fry
This quote perfectly captures the emotional strength it requires to be there for a depressed partner or friend and also portrays that it can be very fulfilling to provide them with that support and love. Being with a depressed partner can be very challenging but the emotional and social support that they receive is crucial to their recovery and management.
Did you know that globally, depression affects around 280 million people, about 3.8% of the population? In United States alone, 16% of the population experiences Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) at some point in their lives. So, it is actually quite likely that you might end up dating someone who has depression.
Understanding Depression in Relationships
Depression causes irritability, exhaustion, numbness and often a desire to isolate and withdraw from loved ones. This can lead to many complex and problematic behaviors when in a relationship, arising concerns or issues such as a depressed partner pushing me away, depressed partner lashing out or depressed partner wanting to be alone. This could be because they’re placing solitude over support, or it could be stemming from negative thoughts such as believing they don’t deserve love.
Depressed Partner Ended Relationship or Broke Up with Me
Often depressed partners end relationships or break up with their partners from a place of internal pain, hopelessness and negative irrational thinking that can either make them believe them and their mental health condition is a burden to others, or believing that they do not deserve. Sometimes it can even stem from numbness and an inability from their side to perform or follow through on basic relationship expectations. Hence, they may break up as they may not be able to maintain that relationship.
However, in such situations it is important to remember that depression can often make them behave in this negative way and make it harder to maintain a healthy relationship. Understanding these signs is important so you can help them through it as a partner.
Signs That Your Partner’s Depression is Affecting the Relationship
- Emotional distance or unavailability
- Emotional numbness or anhedonia
- Lashing out, increased irritability
- Blaming you for everything
- A lower libido leading to reduced affection and intimacy
- Isolation, lower social interaction and desire to left alone
- Saying things like “You deserve someone better”, “I don’t feel anything anymore”, “leave me alone”
Tips for Dating Someone with Depression
It can be emotionally challenging to deal with a depressed partner and often it can impact your mental health as well, drain you or distress you. Hence, it is important that you take out time to prioritize your mental heath as well.
Moreover, according to research, people with strained relationships are more than twice as likely to develop depression compared to those with high-quality relationships. In couples where one partner has depression, the quality of relationship often declines over time if untreated.
Below are some tips on dealing with a depressed partner:
- Learn about depression and professional treatment such as therapy, medication and social support groups for it.
- Give them the space they need but stay connected and let them know you are there for them.
- Encourage them to take professional help gently, and you can offer to find or recommend a therapist for them or accompany them to appointments to show support.
- Validate their feelings by providing reassurance and promote healthy habits such as exercising, eating healthy.
- Taking care of yourself is just as important and if your mental health is being affected by it, it’s okay to set healthy boundaries, you can be supportive and compassionate while also protecting your health and self.
Taking Care of Yourself While Supporting a Depressed Partner
- Join support groups such as support groups for partners of individuals with depression, or talk to a therapist to strengthen your own support network
- Set emotional boundaries so you don’t absorb the pain or take it on yourself to the point it drains you or leads to emotional burnout
- Engaging in self-care is important, such as maintain your hobbies, spending time with your friends and doing things that promote your relaxation and enjoyment
It is important you when caring for a depressed partner, you don’t neglect your own well-being, as a healthy relationship means that both the partners are cared for.
Supporting a depressed partner requires a lot of empathy, patience, understanding and most importantly, balance. While it can be emotionally taxing, but with healthy boundaries, support, open communication, space, understanding the aspects of depression and encouraging seeking professional help, it is possible to support a depressed partner, help them on their path for recovery and maintain a healthy relationship for you both.
To understand more about dealing with depressed partners!
