Did you know that at least 20-25% of married couples in US are engaging in extramarital affairs? The number is higher if we look at non-marital relationships. Infidelity has become so common that it is not surprising to hear about it. However, it does have many negative emotional, physical and mental consequences for the person experiencing infidelity from their partner.
To start, we can all agree that infidelity is a painful experience for the person being cheated on. Before we delve into the impact of cheating, let’s look at what encompasses infidelity? It can include any sexual and/or emotional affair or involvement that is above and beyond the relationship aspects or agreement you have with your partner. You can find yourself on either side of this, you may have cheated on your partner and feeling surprised by the consequences of that decision or might regret it, on the other hand, you may have been cheated on and facing difficulty moving past it. Let’s take a closer look at the consequences of cheating to better understand it.
What is infidelity trauma?
Being cheated on is not only painful, stressful and heart breaking but often, a traumatic experience for the person. Further, even the doubt or feeling that your partner might be cheating on you can be psychologically distressing.
Infidelity trauma refers to the emotional and psychological distress experienced by people who have been cheated on or experienced infidelity. Often there are feelings of shock, betrayal, anger, grief, loss of trust leading to trauma after being cheated on.
How does Infidelity cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
Often, people in this position experience symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from being cheated on, or Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD). Below are some symptoms a person who has been cheated on may experience that are similar to PTSD:
- Shock, confusion and disorientation
- Issues in sleeping
- Overthinking, negative thoughts and repeated intrusive thoughts
- Unstable emotional regulation and emotional outbursts
- Numbness, social withdrawal and feeling broken
- Inability to stop looking for more information that may be distressing
- Overwhelming feelings of helplessness
There are many factors that can mediate the degree of trauma experienced and how they move on after being cheated on, such as the history of prior trauma, the frequency and how long the infidelity has been going on, the intensity of betrayal (is it with a close friend or family member, etc.), the emotional strength and resilience of the individual.
What is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?
Dr. DennisOrtman (2009) gave the name Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD) for people who are traumatized post being cheated on. This is not an official diagnosis, but this term was coined by Ortman to display a parallel with PTSD and accurately give their experience a name. When there is complex PTSD and infidelity or complex PTSD as a result of infidelity, professionals have started to describe it as PISD.
The primary symptom of PISD is rage, which is against yourself, your partner and the world. The symptoms for PISD are consistent with PTSD but instead of a shock to your system, cheating can be a mental shock to the system you’ve built as a couple.
Recovering from Infidelity Trauma
Ortman also made a comparison of experiencing PISD with the 5 stages of grief, hence the progress of recovery for people with PISD or people recovering from infidelity trauma would follow these five stages:-
- Denial: shutting down, not wanting to believe the affair occurred
- Anger: closing off behind a wall of rage
- Bargaining: hanging on to old behaviors without acknowledging the need to change
- Depression: pulling back from life
- Acceptance: letting go of anger and opening up to a new life
Overcoming Infidelity Trauma
Despite the stress and trauma, there is life after an affair. Overcoming, moving past infidelity trauma can be time taking and requires therapeutic treatment.
As a couple attempting to move fast cheating or infidelity, couples’ therapy or family and marriage therapy to help you process the act, improve communication and rebuild trust as well as develop required coping strategies. Remember that this is a time taking process, patience is of utmost importance when seeking couples therapy. Often couples therapy would be combined with individual therapy.
For an individual attempting to move past cheating or looking for PTSD infidelity treatment, some treatment approaches recommended for infidelity trauma or PTSD because of infidelity include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Trauma-focused therapy or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can be beneficial for processing emotions, treating trauma-related symptoms. EMDR specifically helps individuals process distressing memories and beliefs, reduce emotional reactivity, and develop more adaptive coping mechanisms.
- Support Groups can provide validation, empathy and a sense of belonging which is especially beneficial to prevent adverse consequences of infidelity trauma such as self-harm, substance abuse or retaliation.
- Mindfulness and Relaxation techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises or progressive muscle relaxation can help in reducing stress and increasing resilience.
- Self-care, setting boundaries and relying on your social support systems can help you in rebuilding trust, improved sleep and support the healing process while building resilience.
It’s essential to seek professional support after experiencing infidelity trauma and when you overcome it you will come out a stronger, better version of yourself as long as you give yourself the appropriate time to process, understand, heal, and treat the trauma undergone. Reach out to North American Behavioral Health Services today to get help with your infidelity trauma.
